What we learned from the most loveable and positive woman we've ever met

Gogglebox's Rev Kate Bottley's advice on how you view you changed the way we think about life

Rev Kate Bottley

In this week’s Book Club episode of our podcast Postcards from Midlife we met some one who taught us what it is to be a good human and how to love life more every single day. The Reverend Kate Bottley, 49, of Gogglebox fame, is a Cannon and one of the most recognisable female vicars in the UK. She’s a mum of two grown up children and has been married to husband Graham since she was 23. Kate’s wit and wisdom made us view clergy in a different light and since sitting on the Gogglebox sofa in 2014 she has carved out a successful media career in which she weaves small nuggets of her faith into a large dose of humanity and hilarity, whether that’s on her weekly radio show, Good Morning Sunday, on BBC Radio 2, as a presenter on TV’s Songs of Praise or on numerous guest appearances on shows such as Celebrity Mastermind and Celebrity Masterchef. Her first book Have A Little Faith: Life Lessons on Love, Death and How Lasagne Always Helps (buy here) is out now: part memoir, part self-help, Kate shares what she’s learned about success, love, strength, conflict, confidence, loneliness, grief and forgiveness and why one Hob Nob is never enough. Today we’re sharing the things we, as two non believers, learnt from her on the show but please listen to the full interview because it could change your life too.

1. Ask yourself who loves you every now and again.

   When Kate first meets someone she doesn’t ask what they do, if they’re married or any of the traditional questions we normally default to, instead she says she greets people by saying ”Hello, I’m Kate, who loves you?”. Avoiding the usual heteronormative questions means that the person she is chatting to immediately focuses on the story they want to tell about themselves, not the one that society may tell about them defining them by marital status etc. It means they can choose any story: they may mention a flatmate, a close colleague or even a pet but it starts the conversation in a place where you as a person are recognising and remembering the love you have in your life. She also recommends we regularly do an audit of the people in our life we know love us, look back on pictures, read thank you cards, look at those nice emails which remember you doing something helpful or kind. Kate keeps a ‘rainy day’ file on her laptop of all the appreciative things people have said about her or after she has done something for them to spark joy in the moments she needs it.

   “Look at the lovely humans in your world; they could be social media followers, friends, colleagues and then actively seek out connection after you have done this with those people, “ she advises, “It’s things like saying an that extra thing to the delivery man. It is about cultivating those connections to everyone around you and resting back in your humanness. If you feel loved, and know you are loveable them this this equips you to love others, much more powerful than grumpiness I find.”

1. Find out who you are and do it on purpose

   This is a quote from Dolly Parton which Rev Kate brought back into our world and it is so helpful to keep reminding yourself of this because deliberating strengthening your confidence muscle powers you through the wobbles we all face every day. As kate said she ‘pretends’ for a living whether that is in the pulpit or the time she ‘pretended to be an athlete’ to complete three triathlons in three days for the charity Sports Relief, so she practises being a confident person.

   “Doing this is graft,’ she told us, “ It is work but the more you do it the more it becomes a habit and the more confident you feel. You are inhabiting the unique role of you, you really are special, there is no one like you in whole world. It is the most incredible thing ever that you are you. Practise telling yourself every day that you are smart, you are beautiful, you are confident, keep saying it until you believe it and keep saying if you don’t believe it, even if you have to say it through tears and gritted teeth.”

2. Get your team around you

   Without your ‘squad’ life will be a little harder. Make sure you can identify those who are always cheering you on physically and emotionally. When Kate was doing her charity triathlons her daughter Ruby would often sends her a clip of Michelle Obama speaking to Beyonce. The quote goes: “Hey Queen, look at you girl, doing it again constantly raising the bar for all of us and doing it flawlessly. I would say I am surprised but I have seen you, I know you up close and personal, girl you make me so proud and I love you.” Take that quote and say it to yourself every single day (watch it here: Michelle Obama to Beyonce

   As Kate says on our podcast: “Watch that clip every morning becuase if it is good enough for Beyonce it is good enough for you. Find your squad, demons will come and whisper things in your ear that you know aren’t true but you all know what you are capable of because you are the only you in whole world.”

Also in this Book Club episode of our podcast we recommend new fiction out this summer (we get a preview of the best new books and two books featuring marriage & adultery have caught our eye), a graphic novel that could get you back into reading again if you have lost your book Mojo, a memoir which will help readers get over larger life traumas and several old favourites that we rely on to make us laugh. All the books are listed here: