When you finally have your first orgasm aged 35

Sex life stuck in a rut? Meet a woman who has agreed to open up about hers to bring some reality and guidance to anyone feeling that there’s something missing in their own sexual adventures

‘This morning I gave myself a gift, a reward for getting through the chaos of breakfast time, ensuring that the kids got off to school with all their bags properly packed as well as reminding my husband he needed to be home early from work for a parents’ evening. My next tasks were clearing up the kitchen and putting on a load of laundry before getting myself ready to head upstairs to my home office to take the first business call of the day. 

Before that though, I wanted a moment of calm and focus, a feeling that I am actually here, that I matter, that I’m alive in my body and not just on a treadmill racing through the next job of the day, anticipating everybody else's needs in the never-ending cycle of emotional labour that becomes the domain of most women. After a quick shower, I took out the sex toy hidden away at the back of a clothes drawer and laid down on the bed knowing that within a few minutes my body would do something remarkable: take me through the build up to climax followed by waves of pleasure that would leave me flushed and gasping for breath. For nearly 10 years now, I’ve found it wondrous every time it happens, and I’m so thankful because I’d spent most of my life in the dark about orgasms, thinking it was something that would never happen to me.

During childhood and adolescence, my sexual awakening began gradually as I became conscious of the sensations that could be aroused by touching myself. This developed into butterflies and tingles when I started fancying boys in my class who I’d previously thought of as annoying grot bags. Slow dancing at discos brought even stronger feelings as my body pressed against theirs, and a few years on it was the inexperienced French kissing and fumbling touch of older boys at house parties that took me to the next level of desire.